Moving on

In February I told you about the great art caper. Not one of my proudest moments, to be sure. But in the end, it was resolved amicably. The head of the art department got wind of my actions, hell he probably read my blog, and worked out a deal in which I was to provide the student with four newly stretched blank canvases and all parties would agree that the matter was settled.

Well Karma is a bitch. I can tell you that. You may think you have made your amends and then Bam! It gets you. I got a call Monday afternoon from a fellow grad who informed me that all of my paintings had been tagged. I say all because I had just finished hanging my paintings for my upcoming thesis oral that will take place this Friday. Someone snuck in late Sunday night, probably between 1 and 2 in the morning and painted a brilliant red stripe right through the middle of each of ten canvases that I have been working on collectively since last August.

Now I have to tell you that I was pissed. Right? But as I made arrangements with J. to go out there immediately, I had already begun forming the nucleus of my response which was- the suffering ends here. I have had my share in this stint of vandalism, but the last thing I wanted was to perpetuate this nonsense any further. It has to end.

I went to work, lectured for an hour and then drove out to school to survey the damage. Fortunately while at work I ran into a colleague, a print maker, versed in solvents, and he hooked me up with just the formula that I needed to undo the damage. There is no solvent in the world that will remove spray paint without softening the acrylic underneath; the trick it to find the solvent that is mild enough to loosen the enamel enough to sponge it off while doing minimal damage to the under-painting.


I worked diligently last night giving each of my precious babies a sponge bath and then went back again today to retouch the original painting with a fresh coat to hide the damage. The net result was nothing short of miraculous. That and my attitude, which I was able to keep in check despite the constant stream of on lookers who kept asking “why aren’t you more pissed off?” to which I would frequently and annoyingly respond “It’s just another opportunity for spiritual growth.” I have to admit I took a lot of secret pleasure in that response, but I always delivered it stoically and with great reserve. You would have been proud.

Well I am ready for my Oral exam on Friday, but I want to leave you with a parting thought that was given to me by my friend the Un-

“The weird thing is, it fits in with my whole theory about Final Exams. Which, if I have never unloaded this onto you, I will do so now. When you're finishing a job or academic program, my theory is (this comes from the Professoressa, actually) that the universe often if not ALWAYS presents us with some kind of special Final Exam. We're being asked, ‘Are you really ready to move on to the next thing?’ And this is additional/extra to our required earthly exams--this is a special spiritual exam. I had them leaving Santa Fe, or leaving England [snip] Hell, *I* had one the night *I* was ordained, in 2002. It's a weird thing that just happens. It's almost like the gods are saying (I think): ‘Okay, you've done all the required stuff and you've jumped through all the corporeal hoops. But we all know (they say to you) that your REAL work here wasn't about signing papers and filling out forms and getting As and managing to complete thesis shows. Your REAL work here was something deeper--something spiritual. Have you passed that test? Have you learned what we Gods wanted you to learn? And most importantly are you ready to go onto the NEXT thing?’

So I think all this shit that's flying at you, suddenly, inexplicably--with the program, with this horrific vandalism, with [snip] life even--is your Real Final Exam. Inviting you to think about what the last five years has REALLY been about, because we both know it wasn't just about accumulating letters on a transcript. There was a real spiritual work you have been doing, alone at night with those canvases, in those confrontational interactions you've had with your department members, writing those blogposts. Something deep and secret, known only to you.”

I share this with you because I feel the gut wrenching truth of it in every word. Sure life offers you challenges, and when life gives you lemons you make lemonade etc. But that isn’t what is being said here. What I hear my friend saying is that there are tests in life, moments that say are you ready to move on to the next phase, have you done what you needed to do here and are you able to put it all down and move on? I believe this because I know it is true, but also because I really feel that I am ready for this test, that my attitude, my ability to set is all aside fix the problem and move on is the answer to that test. So one Friday I am going to take out my no. 2 pencil and fill in the bubble that says “next” and win lose or draw I am moving on.