Sigh.
My google-fu is letting me down.
I was listening to an interview the other day on NPR of a man who, in his youth, had been a friend of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He recounted a story of how upon leaving a meeting with several (white) people he was jumped and beaten. Some of the perpetrators had been present at the meeting moments before. Dismayed he had gone into Dr. King's office and asked "How do you love your enemies?"
Dr. King, who was about to take an important phone call looked at him and said simply "You have to reach deeper into your love."
I can relate to this. I struggle with accepting others as they are. Sitting In church last Sunday I was talking to the group about being more accepting of the religious right, when suddenly I realized I had to admit my struggles lest I fall into the trap of hypocrisy "I mean I HATE them, but I try..." I could feel the energy in the room shift. I felt ashamed for being so honest. "I'm just joking" I tried to mutter. "No your not" some one said.
Bart: I think sharing is overrated... And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Sir, your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
"'God is Love' is THE central tenant of Christianity." said the associate Pastor to me as we debated the question of God's goodness a few months ago.
"But what does that mean?" I thought to myself.
"We may say quite truly and in an intelligible sense that those who love greatly are "near" to God. But of course it is "nearness by likeness." It will not of itself produce "nearness of approach." The likeness has been given to us. It has no necessary connection with that slow and painful approach which must be our own (though by no means our unaided) task. Meanwhile, however, the likeness is a splendor. That is why we may mistake Like for Same. We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become gods: then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred." -C. S. Lewis
I'm not sure that I can accept this definition. I mean I understand what Lewis is saying, but isn't that slow painful approach the way that we build up spiritual discipline to help reduce susceptibility to temptation in the future, to exercise self control, and to avoid being enslaved to one's desires, (need love as Lewis calls it)
Lewis talks about the different types of Greek loves, as if these are the only definitions of love that can exist.
"God is love." It is bouncing around in my head like a pinball. I feel like a snake sloughing off old skin. I am beginning to realize I don't know what Love is. I know, I know. But really I think I have been wearing around other people's definitions of love like so many old hats.
"Mindfulness relieves suffering because it is filled with understanding and compassion. When you are really there, showing your loving-kindness and understanding, the energy of the Holy Spirit is in you." -Thich Nhat Hanh
I think about this for a minute. Finally I blurt out "What if love is...detachment?"
"Love is Detachment" said J. "at least a component of it anyway. I think so too."
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3 comments:
Don't think anyone is ever going to call you a hypocrite. And I love "love is detachment, at least a component of it" too, though maybe I won't put that on my facebook status? Detachment is a funny thing, innit? Because for me it always comes to standing on a corner trying not to think of white bears, that is, it's very hard to will myself into detachment but I can work on, um, more appropriate attachments, rather than an absence of attachment.
oooo! Pretty butterfly, Mara!
So what do you think about Peck's working definition of love? I think it's something like love is the willingness to expend energy for the benefit of your own or another's spiritual growth. I loved that when I read it way back when in The Road Less Travelled and it seems to continue to fit for my relationships. It helps me remember that most basic truth that love isn't a feeling. How does that fit in with detachment?
These are both good comments, my thoughts here are that detachment allows one to act through choices rather than RE-act through emotions, also detachment or detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes, without being over-protecting. It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives-the desire to control others. I don't know about "willing myself into detachment" rather it goes hand in hand with acceptance, something the Unreliable narrator recently said has to be done repeatedly as“You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes, you have to make the commitment many times in the space of a few minutes….”
So if detachment is a component, acceptance is definitely another component
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