"You really hurt yourself last night."
"I did. It's really surprising."
"Oh, I don't know. It seems like it happens about once a year."
"It's my yearly detox. Some people like to take steam and fast for three days, I on the other hand like to stay out all night and drink until I am sick. It really gets the impurities out."
While not hungry this morning, quite the reverse actually, I find myself becoming more and more ravenous as the day goes by. I suspect the body is trying to restore vital minerals to counteract the effects of alcohol poisoning. One of my favorite things to do if I am feeling the effects of late night debauchery is to eat pho the next day. The combination of salty, spicy and noodley presented in the form of a hot soup it just what the doctor ordered, and while I know there are really no such things as bona fide hangover cures, pho is about as close as you can get. Well, that and hatch green chili that's been slow roasted to perfection and comes served on a breakfast burrito, over cheesy enchiladas or in a hearty black bean stew.
Other homespun rustic cures include one sure fired way to beat the common cold. Not many have taken me up on it, but I swear to the lord almighty that it works when done properly. First, and this is the most important thing of all, you have to administer the cure immediately upon detecting the first symptoms of the on coming malady. If you wait, you might as well forget it. The first sniffle, the first tightness in the back of the throat, or first indication of dry, sore eyes, needs to be heeded if the cure is to work. Otherwise most colds last ten to twelve days, so be ready.
The actual cure is simple. You eat three or four whole cloves of fresh garlic and chase it down with as many oranges as you can stomach (since the oranges will taste like garlic) I find it helpful to imagine that I am eating some elegant french soup with an orange/garlic base, but whatever you have to do to get it down works. You can sliver the garlic or cut it into bite sized pills or just nosh on it, but remember to free the essence of the garlic as the oils within carry the healing powers. Much to the chagrin of my wife, garlic tabs do not carry the same efficacy. Parsley based breath fresheners can help but you will sweat garlic from your pores for the next two days so you might want to stock up on air fresheners as well. However that same sweat is the vehicle that is pulling the sickness from your body so appreciate it.
No one has ever taken me up on this, but it works if you are quick, no one that is except perhaps my one friend living in Albuquerque and he has stores of green chili a plenty that can also be used in lieu of oranges. You might take comfort in the fact that most people can't smell themselves and most others are far too polite to tell you that you stink, so what you really need is a patient soul mate that understands that a few days of stink beats ten or twelve of whining and moaning and sniffling and so forth. Even then, patience can be tested so use it wisely!
Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear
Chorus:
You give me fever, when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever in the morning
Fever all through the night
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8 comments:
Ah, those annual Dionysian revels. It's the Symposium all over again.
Also, only a SJC-Santa Fe grad would think of a green chile burrito as a hangover cure!
What about menudo? People swear by it. I personally am not a fan of tripas, but...it sure is popular at all the local Mexican restaurants on Sunday mornings.
Having become a sushitarian long before discovered that people actually ate menudo, I never have had the chance to try it, but I suspect it shares many similar qualities to pho, especially the soupy, the salty and the spicy, but noodles? Does it get better than that? I dare say not!
Dude, we are like separated at birth. I've been doing the garlic thing for years. Ask Cart about it sometime. Drives her nuts. I do it sans the oranges though...just the garlic (chocolate helps the bad breath by the way.) I also, if feeling pretty awful, will steep the galic in warm water and add cayenne pepper and drink that. That will get you a sweat, fast.
Anything to avoid a Man Cold, darling. Anything.
In college I was taught that the cure to the common cold was a gallon of orange juice and a large bag of weed. You need to wrap yourself up warm, drink the entire gallon of orange juice and smoke the whole bag of weed in about an hour or so.
Not sure if it actually cures the cold or makes you no longer care that the virus is reproducing in your body.
welll I mean there are colds and there are colds. I think I had THAT cold last night...
"Well, that and hatch green chili that's been slow roasted to perfection and comes served on a breakfast burrito, over cheesy enchiladas or in a hearty black bean stew."
This makes me wonder if you have experienced a "real" hangover.... Though it's been a long time now, I seriously doubt that would have had any effect beyond vomiting for me!
that would be friday night
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