Brain Doodling God

I hate it when you read something and your mind wanders in the middle of the sentence. You get to the last word of the paragraph, perhaps even to the end of the page, and I suddenly realize I can't recall anything that I've just read. This happened several times this afternoon as I was reading my friend Oleoptene's blog Betting against Pascal. I wanted very much to hear her thoughts and instead found myself reliving a conversation I was a part of in church a few weeks ago.

I can't remember how it started, but we were talking about the way in which god intervenes in ones life. I think I might have murmured something to the effect that I wasn't sure that god would intervene even if he could. Something like "God doesn't intervene." Memory is so hazy. I believe my comment was shot down by the associate pastor, but in a way that left the question of how god would intervene wide open. The conversation began to shift when one young woman spoke up. Something along the lines of "Wait. I want to know. Does God intervene or doesn't he?"

You know, the more I think about this, the only really clear memory I have of the conversation is the emphatic, even imploring manner in which she asked the question. I can't clearly remember what she said, not the exact words, but the way in which she said it still reverberates through me. "I want to KNOW. Does God intervene or doesn't he?"

Playing the Wii with my sister last night, she was quick to point out on several occasions that the game is always more enjoyable when one is winning.

Is it interesting to think that God would intervene on our behalf if fate were dealing us a rotten hand, but that God would never disturb a glorious run of good luck? Why would god interfere with good luck? God is good n'est-ce pas?

I can hear my children fighting. Big sister is tormenting little sister or the other way around. As a parent I want to intercede. My every pore screams to go and butt in. Sometimes I do, but usually I make things worse. My children can and do play well together, but part of playing is taking a few lumps. Rubbing my hand through my hair I can still feel the bumps of childhood indelibly marked upon my skull. Would you trade any one lesson from your life for something less?

I think the problem I have with the idea that god would intercede on our behalf is that it seems to take for granted the idea that god is good, or that god only wants the good for us? Please let some young Socratic pop up his head and say "pray tell Gorgias, what is the good and how do you know it?" That our understanding of good, and gods might be wholly incompatible.

I have know people, including myself, who have from time to time talked of life's trials and tribulations in a way that suggests that it was "all part of god's plan" or that "god sent me a lesson that I might learn from this" I would be very wary of praying for god's good graces to be visited upon me if this is the case. The cure might be worse than the disease.

But seriously. Years ago, I remember reading an interpretation of the Garden of Eden story as a separation of the immediate reality of God from man. Man didn't leave the garden, we are still here, only we have lost our intimate connection with the divine and have yearned for it ever since.

Now I am going to back peddle a bit and say I suppose it is possible that God intervenes, perhaps even that s/he is doing right now and keeping a blockage in my aorta from becoming a massive cardio-embolism. Or better yet, that through a bizarre connection of events involving a hummingbird, a cup of hot tea, several preschoolers in Connecticut and a dozen or so other rube Goldberg variations god has managed to stave off nuclear annihilation for another day.

I think it all comes down to a question of what is good. Does submitting yourself to the will of god mean that even at life's worst it is possible that god wants the very best for us? That God may even be actively working behind the scenes to procure the good for us, and that our limited perspective means that we simply needs be patient and wait for the will of the universe to unfold itself for us?

That is an ugly list of assumptions. I think that is why I prefer the four nobel truths. It is clean, elegant and, for the most part, summarizes my experience. That life is suffering, that all suffering comes from desire, that it doesn't have to be this way, and that overcoming suffering is possible if one is willing to do a bit of work on oneself. For myself that path also offers another possibility, namely to reunite myself with the intimacy of the divine, not by wagering my way into heaven, but through constant attentiveness to the now.